John Mark Hicks

[My book on the Shack is now available on Kindle.]

“Mackenzie,

It’s been a while. I’ve missed you.

I’ll be at the shack next weekend if you want to get together there.

–Papa”

God invited Mack to the shack (p. 16). His first gut feeling was nausea but it quickly turned to anger. He had always tried to avoid thinking about the shack; he never went to the shack. He insulated himself from the shack in every way.

The shack created turmoil in the pit of Mack’s stomach. The shack was a dead and empty place; it had a twisted, evil face. It was a metaphor for emptiness, unanswered questions, and far-flung accusations against God (p. 77).

Yet, God wants to meet Mack at the shack.

“Why the shack–the icon of his deepest pain?,” Mack rages in his inner thoughts. “Certainly God would have better places to meet him?” (p. 65).

The shack is Mack’s deepest pain. The shack, metaphorically, is his own woundedness, his hurt.

We each have our own shack.

The shack is Young’s metaphor for his hidden, wounded self.  It is his real self; the one he hides behind a facade as if his life were a beautiful, well-kept house. But the shack is actually Young’s soul. It is something which he and others built, just as we build our own shacks through our own experiences and choices, joys and tragedies. William P. Young, the author, is Mackenzie Allen Phillips, the main character in the story.

Young’s soul is pictured in The Shack as a shack. The story is fictional, but true.  It is a modern parable.  It is the story of a soul–wounded, filled with hidden secrets, addictions, and lies. In this story Young’s true soul meets God.

Young has told his story in several settings, but the most powerful telling I have found on the internet is to a small group in the home of a friend. His personal story is worth 75 minutes of your time.

He was a preacher/missionary kid in New Guinea in early childhood.  Without cultural identity, afraid of his angry father, sexually abused by other children, he himself became a predator of sorts. He became a religion addict–a perfectionistic performer, and ultimately sexual sin was revealed while a minister of the gospel.

The years of guilt and shame took its toll on Paul. He built his own shack where the shame could reside, where the woundedness could hide. He attempted to win God’s approval just like he attempted to earn his own father’s approval. He went to Bible College, then to seminary, and then into the ministry.

But he lived filled with shame. On the outside, it looked like his house was in order, neatly kept as God’s good minister. His perfectionistic attempts at performance hid the shame as he attempted to achieve some kind of self-worth. Maybe God would forgive him, love him, and accept him if he worked hard to compensate for the sin and shame which he found unable to control. To do this, he had to stuff and numb his feelings. He did not know how to feel. He was empty on the inside except for anger and shame, and he was mostly angry at himself.

He had built a shack surrounded by a Hollywood front. The front was a lie; the shack was the truth. But he could not speak the truth because it was too shameful.

The Shack is Young’s parable about how God met him at his shack and rocked his world. God invited him to the shack. God met him in his pain and shame–not to judge it, but to heal it. God does not invite us to the shack to shame us or express his disappointment; he invites us to experience his mercy and love. He invites us to let us know that he is “especially fond” of us.

The Shack invites us to enter into this metaphorical journey to the soul. Perhaps, and it is Paul’s prayer, that through this story we will hear God’s invitation to meet him at our own shacks and discover him anew.

The last paragraph of the book–the last paragraph of the Acknowledgements in the back (p. 252 if it were numbered)–expresses this hope and reveals the purpose of the parable itself for readers beyond his own children for whom he originally wrote the piece.

Most of us have our own grief, broken dreams and damaged hearts, each of us with our unique losses, our own ‘shack’. I pray that you will find the same grace there that I did, and the abiding presence of Papa, Jesus and Sarayu will fill up your inside emptiness with joy unspeakable and fully of glory.

William P. Young

[My book on the Shack is now available on Kindle.]

William P. Young’s The Shack became a national bestseller in 2008. It touched the hearts of many and generated hostile theological disagreement from others.

I read the book last January.  Moved to tears several times, I was emotionally and intellectually engaged by Young’s storytelling.  This modern parable addresses some of the most perplexing topics of Christian theology as well as some of the most gut-wrenching experiences believers can have.  Writing about Trinity, atonement, providence, suffering, theodicy, death of children, parental abuse, forgiving murderers, forgiving self, incarnation, etc. is difficult prose to pursue, even more difficult to describe parabolically. Such an ambitious task is either foolhardy or courageous but neverthless at least interesting and intriguing. I found it rather compelling.

I have had several requests to review the book and comment on some of the theological controversy surrounding it.  I have hesitated for several reasons.

I read the book on the verge of my own crisis–I would confront some of my demons in the first weeks of February. I entered my period of rest from ministry and academia just after reading Young’s work. I wonder if the book even contributed to the timing of my own “shack.”  In any event, I did not want to rush into print about the story. I needed time to process my own stuff without focusing on Young’s “shack.”

Also, at the time, I was rather uninterested in the theological controversy swirling around the book.  I did not want to engage in any theological debates, nuances, or heresy trials. I did not want to spend time parsing the meaning and specifics of parabolic descriptions and dialogue. I thought the book had a much more important significance than some of those debates.

Further, the subjects Young discusses are close to my own story, heart, and study. Some of it was too painful to discuss at the time; some of it was too ambiguous (as it seemed at first reading) to pursue with any profit. I needed to work through my own “shack” before engaging Young’s parable.

The past few days have changed my mind, and the past several months have prepared me to invest in a review and discussion of Young’s work. I am still rather uninterested in the theological debates surrounding the book. Instead, I am interested in the spiritual therapy, recovery and healing available through the book as God’s Spirit uses it for such.

I turned my attention to the book once again after I received a request this past week. On Wednesday I was asked to substitute for Rubel Shelly who was scheduled to speak about the Shack at the next Nashville Zoe Conference, which is a week from today. I have not spoken anywhere since the first weekend of February–churches, seminars or schools. I did not intend to speak anywhere other than the Woodmont Hills Church (beginning this November) for the rest of 2008.  However, this invitation seemed to be God’s timing.

As my wife and I talked about the possibility, it became clear to us that perhaps this was a moment designed by God for my sake. We discerned that this is about what God wants to do in my “shack” and give me the motive and opportunity to reflect in a focused way on my own story in the light of Young’s parable and metaphors. In other words, I agreed to speak for my own sake more than for any other motive.

At this point I have some anxiety about speaking, particularly on the emotional subjects which the Shack raises. But my wife, my spiritual advisors, and I feel it is time and this is an opportunity practically (divinely?) tailored for me. I have felt called to speak again at this moment, at this time, on this subject. I have no intention of speaking again till I begin a short Bible class series at Woodmont Hills in November.

However, my review–at least in the first few posts–will not rehearse the controversial questions for which the book has been attacked.  Many are good questions–goddess worship? open theism? modalistic trinitarianism?–but they are marginal to my concerns as a griever and addict.  I am much more interested in how this parable offers an entrance into the substantial themes of divine love, forgiveness, healing, and hope. This will be my initial focus and perhaps after “first things first” I will address some of the theological questions in later posts.

So, I invite you to journey with me through the maze of grief, hurt, and pain as we face our own “shacks.”  (For those interested, you may download my oral presentations on The Shack at my Audio Page.

For those interested, the The Shack‘s official website is a good place to start if you are unfamiliar with the book, Young’s life, and some of the controversy as well as healing that has surrounded the book.

P.S.  I leave in a few moments for Dallas for the sake of ministering to needy Dallas Cowboy fans….I will be attending the Cowboy-Redskin game on Sunday.  I won’t come up for air till Monday afternoon upon my return to Nashville.  🙂

I’m grateful for your prayers for Gary, and I am thankful that the reports are good. After a long surgery, they think they have removed the tumor successfully.

My hope and prayer is that Gary will recover to celebrate Psalm 116 with his family, church and friends.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to me.” Psalm 116:7

I have broken my self-imposed silence for a special friend. The above picture is of David Jordan (Director of Memphis Agape), the person in the center is Dr. David Ijams (who was closest to the hole on the million dollar hole–and gave the $1000 prize back to Agape), and the person on the right is my good friend Gary Ealy who has chaired charitable golf scrambles in Memphis for years, including an annual event for Agape.

Gary Ealy, my good friend who co-planted the Cordova Community Church with me and others in Cordova, TN, was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Gary has ministered in various locations throughout his ministry–Denton, TX (campus ministry), Brownsville Road in Memphis, Highland Street in Memphis among others.  He and his wife Mary have served God faithfully for many years.

He will undergo surgery on Tuesday in Memphis. 

Listen to Gary’s lesson about how God meets our deepest needs.

I ask everyone you who reads this to pray with me–now–with this prayer:

“Father, have mercy on your servant, Gary.  Must he, in the prime of his life–in these good years of faithful service–face the valley of shadows?  My Father, have mercy on Gary and his wife Mary.

Heal him and give him many more years of ministry in your kingdom.  With healing his testimony will bear witness to your love but without healing how does this advance your cause? Have mercy on your church and give Gary life. 

I pray this for the sake of your glory and the sake of your kingdom, my God.

I surrender to your will, but like Hezekiah–your faithful servant of old–I ask for his life for the sake of his ministry and his family and most of all for the sake of your cause in this broken world.

I ask through the worthiness of your Son and in the groaning of your Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Isaiah 38

Friends

With the advice and counsel from some under whom I have placed my care, I have decided to cease blogging for the rest of July. 

I appreciate your kind emails and comments as well as the dialogue some of us have had over the past few months.  And I have enjoyed entering the blogging world once again.

This rest will give me time to think about some other things in my life and give attention to them.  There is more to life than “hermeneutics,” right?  🙂

Lord willing, I will “see” you again in August.

Shalom

John Mark

Thanks to everyone for their well-wishes by email and comments.  I appreciate them very much.  My wife and I had a wonderfully relaxing, peaceful and calm time in the mountains of Virginia as we camped together. It was a blessing to see God’s good creation, sit by the fire at night and spend lots of time simply talking.  Fasting from electronics has also been a blessing though I now–somewhat reluctantly–return to the virtual world of blogging.

During this season of rest I have been reading books in four major areas. I want to recommed a few from my reading list over the past monts that have been particularly helpful to me.

Marriage

Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage (2000). “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” What a good question! This book suggests that marriage is a spiritual discipline designed to transform us into the image of God by relating to another person in an intimate way. This book is filled with helpful insights about the nature of marriage as a holy adventure whereby we become selves-in-relation rather than selves-in-isolation. It brings together many good theological themes (relationality, community, etc.) with effective psychological insights.

Tim Gardner, Sacred Sex (2002). Sex is a spiritual celebration of oneness.  That may seem like a truism for many but Gardner’s exploration of that theme is quite significant. This is not a manual about technique. Rather, it is about the spirituality of the sexual relationship itself.  Sex, in this context, is a spiritual discipline by which we explore, practice and experience communion. It is an act of worship in a committed relationship. Men–despite the common mantra–do not need sex (sex is optional; we can live without it!), but couples need a oneness that sexual relations express. Sexuality is more about oneness than orgasm.  I found the spiritual emphasis refreshing.

David Schnarch, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (1998). This is a more explicit book about the sexual relationship. It uses the sexual relationship to look at the whole nature of love and intimacy in marriage. The premise of the book is about differentiation as a key to intimacy. Rather than co-dependency or emotional fusion, couples need a sense of self in order to be in relation with their partner. Healthy partners make for a healthy realtionship. When the relationship is unhealthy, both partners–not just one–is sick.  Both need a sense of self. They need a sense of being “separate” in order to be “together” in a healthy way. For example, he describes a technique called “hugging to relax.” Can you hug for more than five seconds without being uncomfortable? Hugging for a sustained time where centered-selves enjoyed the togetherness of the present moment rather than escaping into the future or resenting the past is a window into the nature of the intimacy a couple shares. I’m still in the process of reading this one, but with just a few chapters completed I can appreciate how it is already helping me.

Spiritual Disciplines

Joshua Choomin Kang, Deep-Rooted in Christ: The Way of Transformation (2007). This book came highly recommened by Terry Smith of Woodmont Hills church in Nashville. Jennifer and I use this in our nightly devotional time.  It is 52 chapters but we are using it on a daily basis.  It encourages the use of spiritual disciplines to root ourselves in Christ.  While not discounting spiritual experiences at all, he suggests that spiritual discipline (measured, consistent, deep, regular and focused) is the way of transformation.  I believe I have had many spiritual experiences but without spiritual discipline (which has sometimes–ok, oftent–been lacking in my life) I find my way of transformation can be shallow rather than rooted. We are enjoying discussing this book.

Gary Thomas, Devotions for a Sacred Marriage (2005).  Also 52 chapters, my wife and I use this in our devotions once a week. Against the background of his book, the specific devotional challenges and meditations are quite helpful as they generate discussions about our marriage between Jennifer and myself.

Trauma and Recovery

Tian Dayton, Trauma and Addiction: Ending the Cycle of Pain Through Emotional Literacy (2000). I enjoyed Dayton’s Heartwounds: The Impact of Unresolved Grief on Relationships (see my post on the book) that I immediately when to this book to read in more depth about the connection between trauma and addiction. Whatever one’s addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, frenetic activity, eating, workaholism, etc.), it is linked to trauma in one’s life (whether childhood or adult). These addictions present themselves as solutions but they are actually symptoms of a deeper problem. Trauma–without effective coping strategies–creates emotional illiteracy. Rather than medicating the pain of the trauma through addictive substances or behavoirs, emotional literacy enables people to move through their trauma. Dayton suggests that we not only psychologically hold on to these traumas but also somatically so that when we experience renewed trauma our bodies as well as pysches react to the new trauma with all the power of the unresolved trauma in our past. This creates a need to medicate with whatever addiction has been our coping strategy. Part of the resolution to this need is to re-experience the trauma somatically as well as psychologically through psychodrama. This was an enlightening book to me.

For a long time I have been aware of 12-step programs, recommended them and even read some (but very little) of their literature.  But in the last three months I have read lots of their literature and have proceeded to work the 12-steps for myself. It is quite liberating. It is a simple, focused and supported program of recovery from any addiction (from alcoholism to workaholism). No one can appreciate the depth of spiritual development that can take place through the 12 steps if they are not familiar with them or worked them. I believe it is a deeply spiritual process that is rooted in the principles of spiritual transformation.  I recommed reading its literature on the 12 Steps (e.g., Tweleve Steps and Twelve Traditions).  Celebrate Recovery is a Christianized version of the 12 steps which I am also finding quite helpful. [And everyone needs recovery of some kind–we are all sinners, and we all seek transformation and recovery from sin, including pride, selfishness, etc.]

Specifically on this topic, I found Steps of Transformation: An Orthodox Priest Explores the Twelve Steps by Father Webber Meletios (trained in psychology and an Orthodox priest) wonderfully refreshing. Here is a book that combines the insights of 12 step programs with biblical text shaped by the spirituality of Orthodox theology. This is a rich combination filled with theological reflection on spiritual disciplines, spirituality and recovery.

History

Henry Wiencek, An Imperfect God: George Washington, His Slaves, and the Creation of America (2004). I love to read historical materials, especially biographies. This particular work is not a biography per se but rather examines Washington’s relationship to slavery. It argues that Washington was originally as morally and psychologically embedded in the slave culture of Virginia as any other gentleman planter in the eighteenth century. Washington even sponsored a Williamsburg raffle of slaves (including breaking up families) in order to secure payment for a debt owed to him in 1769.  However, through relationships with mullatoes from his own family tree (e.g., his stepson fathered a child, his wife had a stepbrother who lived at Mount Vernon, etc.), his experience with African Americans during the Revolutionary War (one fourth of his army at Yorktown in 1781 was black), and ultimately his repugnance toward breaking up families through sales, Washington began to see the immorality of slavery.  His Last Will and Testament freed the slaves in his possession rather than leaving them to his heirs to sell. If one is unacquainted with the development of slavery in eighteenth century Virginia, this is an illuminating read.

So, besides blogging, I’ve been spending my time immersed in these sorts of materials.  My journey continues….

Beginning Saturday, I will travel with my wife to the mountains of North Carolina and Virginia.  We will spend a week together in the midst of God’s good creation.  I will be separated from all electronics–fasting from the computer–in order to simply be present with my wife.  It will be a time of fun, relaxation, meditation, prayer, hiking, playing, swimming and reading. 

I will see you’all on my return (June 27-28 or maybe never). At that time I hope to continue my series on Hermeneutics…at least it is my intention but after a week in the mountains I might just say “ah, that ain’t that imporatnt.”  🙂

Blessings on your week.  May the peace of God rest upon our hearts and enjoy his delight in us.

Here is my daily morning prayer from the Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle; a daily prayer for you and for me:

“Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father,you have brought me in safety to this new day: Preserve me with your mighty power, that I may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all I do direct me to the fufilling of your purpose; through Jesus Christ, my Lord. Amen.”

Sometimes life gets to be “too much.” 

Given some personal and painful meditations yesterday, some talks with several different people about their hurtful situations…it is too much.

Intellectually, I know my losses are fewer than some and greater than others. I know it is all relative.  But my emotional gut–as I get in tune with it more fully–rails against the felt hurt and doubts the love of God.

How do I escape the feeling that God is picking on me?

My wife’s death was 1 in 10,000 (so the doctors said); my son’s terminal genetic condition was 1 in 100,000.  That means, statistically, my life circumstances are 1 in 100,000,000.  If add to that divorce, by-pass surgery, diabetes, hearing loss, etc., etc., etc. And I know it is not fair to do the “statistical thing”–I may not even have done it correctly…I don’t know…there are too many variables…life can’t be assessed like that…I know…but….

How do I escape the feeling that God is picking on me?

I often read Job’s laments with some sort of empathy. I read some of them again this morning. I feel them in my bones. The hurt and pain are somatic; they are part of my body. It is that gut-wrenching movement of the soul that sends a sharp pain to the chest or the stomach. The kind of pain that makes you double over but is driven by emotion rather than physiology. Our minds and bodies align, and emotional pain delivers blows to the body.

Chapter 3 contains Job’s opening lament–a “I wish I had never been born” lament. The final words of that chapter have sometimes resonated with me and I feel them today.

Why is life given to a man whose way is hidden, whose God has hedged him in?  For sighing comes to me instead of food; my groans pour out like water.  What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.  I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.

“What I feared has come upon me”…..several times in my life–death of a wife, death of a son, divorce. Peace is difficult to experience when what you have “dreaded has happened” to you. When will the next shoe drop? And then more comes down the pike…more pain, more hurt. And then again “when will the next shoe drop?” The anticipation of “what else” begins to consume you and at times you feel like giving up. You are tempted to “curse God and die.”

“I would not live forever. Let me alone,” Job tells God (7:16).  He prefers death to what he is experiencing (7:15) and he is convinced that he will never see happiness again (7:7).

It is little wonder that Job is tired of God’s attention. Why make such a fuss over human beings, especially Job himself?  Job turned the doxological question of Psalm 8 on its head (7:17-18).

What are human beings that you make so much of them, that you give them so much attention, that you examine them every morning and test them every moment?

And then he personalized it (Job 7:20b).

Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you?

Job gets to the point with God. What is the divine project? What is God’s interest in human beings? Why is there so much suffering? Why should God give a rip about us? Why does he toy with us?

I know these are harsh questions, but they are real ones. They are Job’s questions, and they have been the questions of some of the greatest literature humans have produced.

Job has little doubt–and I think he is quite right!–that God’s hand is written all over his life.  He confesses the sovereignty of God over his creation. Even in the midst of his laments–and partly as a lament–he testifies to what the birds and animals know (Job 12:7-10).

Which of these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of every human being.

The accuser could only do what the hand of God permitted and empowered (Job 1:11-12; 2:5-6). God chose Job. He was “picking” on him and Job felt it. I know the feeling as well–it may not correspond with what really is, but it is my real feeling at times and I feel it today, this morning.

And yet–and there is always, it seems, a “nevertheless” or “yet”–even Job, in the midst of all his pain and hurt can recognize that to God “belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding…to him belong strength and victory” (Job 12:13, 16a). God “performs wonders that cannot be fathomed” (Job 9:10a) and his “wisdom is profound” (Job 9:4a).  “Who can understand the thunder of his power?” (Job 26:14). “He does whatever he pleases” (Job 23:13b).

Job, as I, recognizes the greatness, the mystery, the transcendence of God. But we are nagged by the incessant feeling that meaning has escaped us.  “Why then did you bring [us] out of the womb?” (Job 10:18b). What is the meaning of the darkness?

As our hearts hurt and faint, even as the terrors of the moment overwhelm us, we choose God. We do not curse him. We will treasure his words more than daily bread and walk in his footsteps (Job 23:11-12).

But, at the same time, we are “not silenced by the darkness” (Job 23:17). We will speak; we will lament. We “will not keep silent; [we] will speak out in the anguish of [our spirits]; we will complain in the bitterness of [our souls]” (Job 7:11).

I believe; help my unbelief.

In several posts over the past month or so, I have indicated that I am experiencing a season of grief. More specifically, I have been working through some past traumas in order to integrate them into my life in a more healthy way. This has been a healing process for me. It is painful but it is also liberating.

Over the past eighteen months I had become progressively more immersed in a workaholic lifestyle. My work load over the past ten years has been excessive and over the past months it had become even more so.  In 2007 alone, for example, I spoke almost every Sunday somewhere, every Wednesday evening, conducted some special seminars on weekends, taught a full load for Lipscomb (eight courses), three classes for Harding University Graduate School, taught in England and Russia, sat on the Executive Board of a mission agency, wrote three academic papers (presented two and published one), co-authored one book, laid out plans for a few other books, and worked with a team on another book. 

As a result I experienced significant burnout. This has left me exhausted and emotionally drained. The resultant circumstance has negatively impacted my physical, emotional and spiritual health.

After consultation with my wife, family and close spiritual advisers, 2008 has become and will continue as a season of rest from academic teaching, speaking and public ministry. Blogging and two projects (a multi-author history and a memorial article for Michael Casey) are the only academic/teaching/speaking tasks I will pursue this year.

I have been and will continue to use these months to seek understanding and emotional healing from the past wounds that have contributed to my workaholism and other problems. I need time to grieve past losses and pursue a path of healing with professional and spiritual support. I now devote most of my time to reading, meditation, support groups, counseling and time with my family, especially with my wife.

This is my 50th year upon the earth. It is time for a Jubilee rest. When Israel failed to care for the land that Yahweh had given them by resting it every seven years, he intervened. Exiled in a distant nation, “the land enjoyed its sabbath rests” (2 Chronicles 36:21). I recognize my situation as a divine intervention. It is time for a rest. I need it for my healing, my family and my future ministry.

By God’s grace, this redemptive rest will bring the healing I need for my own transformation into the likeness of his Son. When it would be a blessing to other believers in their faith journey, there may come a time when I will share the story of God’s work in my life as I come to understand it. In the meantime, my family asks for your prayers as well as your trust, support and friendship. I thank you in advance for your concern and care.

In light of my own experience and my current journey, I would recommed the focused appropriation of Jim Martin’s sound advice concerning self-care which appears as guest post on Scott McKnight’s blog. 

God, I’m listening now.  Teach me about your rest that I might rest in you.
 
Seeking Shalom,

John Mark

It almost never fails. Every time I raise the question of “Why me?” I hear the kind, mild and well-intentioned rebuke that perhaps I should ask the question “Why not me?”

I understand the point–I think. Of course, why should it not be my child that dies? Why should it not be my wife that dies? Did my son and my wife deserve to live while others do not? Of course not! My son no more deserved to live than any other child (including thousands in China) nor does my wife deserve to live any more than anyone else’s spouse (including thousands in Myanmar). In that sense “why not me?” is a good question as it reminds me that my family has no privileged standing in this chaotic world. It forces a certain humility upon me which I often need.

But “why did my son die” (etc.) is a totally different question and the two are not mutually exclusive. This question asks why did my son die while others lived. It asks why was my son the 1 in 100,000 births with his genetic condition. It asks why is my wife a statistic where she is the 1 in 10,000 who dies ten days after her back surgery.

“Why not me?” does not undermine the intensity or legitimacy of the question “Why me?” or “Why my son?” or “Why my wife?” That question is not about what anyone deserves or does not deserve; it is not about the assumption of privileged position. Quite the contrary–given the reality of the situation, the question seeks the meaning of the event. “Why this?” “Why now?” “Why me?” are questions about meaning, purpose and significance.

Sometimes I feel some want to deligitimize the question “Why?”  I have even heard people gently (sometimes not so gently) hushed in the midst of their grief or, worse, judged for asking the question as if the question is an arrogant and distrustful one. Rather, they are told to ask “why not me?”–so I have heard people told and I myself have been advised. Supposedly, it is a more noble and faithful response to suffering.

In my experience this suffocates the sufferer. It covers the sufferer with guilt for feeling the question and wanting to throw it in God’s face or simply express it to other believers. Instead of asking “why not me” within the story of Scripture, faithful lamenters in Scripture asked “why this?”. They wanted to know the purpose and meaning of their suffering. The question was certainly a venting, but I think it was more.  It touched the deepest desire of a sufferer, that is, to understand and “make sense” of what is happening. It is a question that belongs to faithful lament. Listen to some of their questions.

Psalm 10:1, Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Psalm 42:9, I say to God, my rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?”
Psalm 44:23-24, Rouse yourself! Why do you sleep, O Lord? Awake, do not cast us off forever! Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?
Psalm 74:1, O God, why do you cast us off forever? Why does your anger smoke against the sheep of your pasture?
Psalm 88:14, O LORD, why do you cast me off? Why do you hide your face from me?
Job 3:20, Why is light given to one in misery, and life to the bitter in soul,
Job 7:20, If I sin, what do I do to you, you watcher of humanity? Why have you made me your target? Why have I become a burden to you?
Job 10:18, Why did you bring me forth from the womb? Would that I had died before any eye had seen me,
Job 13:24, Why do you hide your face, and count me as your enemy?
Ex. 5:22,Then Moses turned again to the LORD and said, “O LORD, why have you mistreated this people? Why did you ever send me?
Judges 21:3,They said, “O LORD, the God of Israel, why has it come to pass that today there should be one tribe lacking in Israel?”
Isaiah 63:17, Why, O LORD, do you make us stray from your ways and harden our heart, so that we do not fear you? Turn back for the sake of your servants, for the sake of the tribes that are your heritage.
Jeremiah 5:19, And when your people say, “Why has the LORD our God done all these things to us?” you shall say to them, “As you have forsaken me and served foreign gods in your land, so you shall serve strangers in a land that is not yours.”
Jeremiah 14:19, Have you completely rejected Judah? Does your heart loathe Zion? Why have you struck us down so that there is no healing for us? We look for peace, but find no good; for a time of healing, but there is terror instead.
Lamentations 5:20, Why have you forgotten us completely? Why have you forsaken us these many days?

The question “why” presumes that God has his reasons and purposes. I believe that; otherwise, I would be forced to believe that the deaths in my life are purely arbitrary (and thus subject to meaninglessness) or they are the chaotic results of a disinterested, perhaps apathetic, God who does not get his hands dirty in his own creation.

I prayed for the health of my wife; we prayed for a successful surgery and recovery; we prayed that she might be able to bear children to full term (we had already lost one in a miscarriage). Barbara and I prayed for a healthy child; we prayed that he would grow into a leader among God’s people.

Now here’s my problem. When I petitioned God for those healthy and seemingly “within the will of God” kind of outcomes, what did God do or say to me? Did he say, “Well, John Mark, I would like to do that for you but I just don’t do that kind of stuff. We will have to see how it all turns out. We’ll hope for the best.” Or, did he say, “Well, John Mark, I will do what I can and work for that goal because I also think it would be great, but there are some things just outside of my control.” Or, did he say, “No.”

No? How could God say “No”? Is this an arbitrary roll of the dice or was my number was just up? Is it the apathy of a God who really does not get his hands dirty in the details of life? Or, is this a purposeful, meaningful and mysterious answer?

I prefer the purposeful, meaningful and mysterious answer. The “No” is not arbitrary but a reflection of divine wisdom and purpose. “John Mark,” God might be saying, “this is gonna hurt, but I have a purpose in this. I know it won’t make sense to you, and I know it will be painful, and you might even deny there could ever be any purpose worth the price, but I have a special interest in this matter. I am doing something beyond your imagination–something you would not believe if I told you. John Mark, my beloved, trust me on this one.”

Why do I prefer that answer? Well, it gives meaning to my suffering even though I don’t know what that meaning is. But, more importantly, I think it is consistent with the story we have been given. As God deals with individuals and communities in his story, he deals with them out his purposes and invests meaning in their lives. He actively engages their stories and integrates them into his story.

Why did these tragic events happen to me? I don’t know, but I keep asking, exploring and searching. In this I am following faithful lamenters and exemplars in Scripture. In this I follow Jesus himself who cried “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Given his cry, I think I can ask the same question with full legitimacy!

Why shouldn’t it happen to me? There is no reason it should not–I have no privileged position in the universe; nothing in my life–including my own life–can make any claim on God. Why did it happen to me? I don’t know but I trust God has his reasons. And I trust God–though I am often frustrated with him. I wish I knew the reasons, but I doubt if it would lessen the pain.  There is just too much that I don’t understand and if God explained it to me I would probably end up as confused as a three-year old to whom a Lipscomb Physics professor is trying to explain quantum mechanics.

In the end, I don’t really need to know the reasons why; I don’t really need to understand the divine goals in each specific situation.  I want to know them but I don’t need to know them for the purposes God has in mind for his creation, that is, communion with him and with others. In the end, it is not about rationalizations or deductions or inductions or syllogisms.  In the end, it is about faith, about trust. It is about communion, about relationship.